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ISSUE 5.1							    WINTER 1995

			    An electronic survey of 
			   the OSU area MUSIC scene.

			    Alias: "The Joel Poll"


		 THE BANDS ................................ A
		 SHOWS & EVENTS ........................... B
		 CLUBS & HANGOUTS ......................... C
		 THE MUSIC STORES ......................... D
		 THE MEDIA ................................ E

CRINGE (The Joel Poll) is the first poll taken of LIVE SHOWS list (LS) 
subscribers and related Columbus/OSU area newsgroup readers.  LS is an e-mail 
based calendar of music related shows and events, started in 1990 (Yes, it's 
been 5 years!) to promote the OSU Experimental Series.  LS now includes most of
the mainstay OSU/Short North area venues.  The list currently has a total of 
over 100 direct subscribers and an indeterminable number of newsgroup and 
redistribution readers.  LS is published twice a week and is available via,, osu.general,, cmh.general, and 
direct e-mail subscription.  To subscribe, send e-mail with the Subject: 
"subscribe" to:  [email protected]

Have fun, Joel Treadway
[email protected]				133 W. 6th Ave.
(614) 421-7589						Columbus, OH  43201

	CRINGE:	1) The Columbus "sound" as once described (in 
		conversation) by local cartoonist Terence Concannon 
		2) The lo-fi garage and punk answer to grunge.  
		3) To shrink or recoil in fear.

				   THE BANDS

 *Flash-in-the-pan smooth world pop music
  This smooth afro-pop/world music band got a chance to open for the big draw 
  Mary Adam 12.  Subsequently, they got reviewed in a well read local 
  alternative paper.  A month later, the smooth afro-pop started to become too 
  pop.  Too smooth.  Too falsely ethnic.  And I don't think it was just me.  
  The audience dwindled, as did Adji's live performances -- but they're still 
  around.  As for my feelings, it was nice for awhile. - Joel

Bad Ass Billy
 *Best/only Southern rock spoof band
  Take Super Duper and add few long haired wigs and a Southern slant. - Joel

 *Overrated lo-fi Roots scum
  Pronounce it however ya like, but as a subtle hint, there's no bassist in the
  band -- at least not the times I've seen 'em.  It consists of a guitarist/ 
  vocalist and a drummer.  They do bare-bones roots, blues and rock.  If ya can
  hear 'em, the lyrics can be pretty cool --  at least in the cover songs. 
  It's too sloppy, yet familiar for me -- I'd rather do Hairy Patt. - Joel

Biggie Magoo
 *Funk Steely Dan/Zappa imitation
  A bunch of fairly accomplished musicians.  And sure, Steely Dan did some 
  nice tasteful tunes, but BM reminds me of the funked version of the more 
  uneventful SD tunes.  BM also does some Zappa-ish material, but even 
  that comes off a bit like repetitious and dry Steely Dan. - Joel

 *Dr. Suess as beat poetry jazz
  Think "Cat in the Hat"  read aloud as beat poetry to 50's style jazz.  
  There's usually a non-standard keyboard/percussion instrument (xylophone, 
  bells, marimba or something) in the spotlight too. - Joel

 *Most mediocre Steely Dan/Santana rip-offs
  Trite, boring Steely/Santana derivatives.  It could almost be the "yuppie 
  High School hippie" incarnation of Super Duper without the humor. - Joel
  Sound like a mixture of Sonic Youth & The Pixies with a little Devo mixed in.
  From Dayton, and proud.  See them live, and you'll feel the energy.  Vocals
  are sometimes mixed into a Moog (those great analogue synths).  Kinda like a
  90's version of old Hardcore Devo (70's).  See these guys and you will be 
  happy. - Josh Hochman

 *Schitzo Sonic Youth/Devo
  Moog effected vocals, spastic music and movement -- a high energy show.  
  Definitely a band to be seen and heard. - Joel

Bumble Flea
 *Ska with elements of hardcore, metal, reggae, jazz, grind and cartoon music
  Last year I predicted BF would open a few minds.  I think it's happened --
  having grown into one of the biggest draws in town.  They boast one of the 
  best, yet, modest bassists and guitarists in town, a great writing drummer, 
  a crazy saxist/backing vocalist and an opening for lead vocalist. :-( - Joel
Bush League
 *Power rock with southern influences/Best example of inbreeding in a nice way
  Made up of Feversmile, Train Meets Truck and Greenhorn members, jokes of
  Greenhorn Jr./Trainhorn/Truckhorn/Greentruck run amuck.  Evidence of CCR/50's
  rock licks lead to a slightly more up beat cousin of the mother bands. - Joel

 *Schitzo garage pop and punk
  Influences ranging from Eno and the Police to the Cramps and performance art 
  -- excluding Bruce Springsteen ;-).  A little rough at times, but ya can't be
  perfect when yer playing upside down or when yer Fruit of the Looms are on 
  the grill while yer playin' bottomless.  Just a crazy fun time live.  
  Unfortunately, it looks like another one of my favorites has broken up.   
  Maybe the CD will come out anyway though. - Joel

 *Most in-yer-face ego funk man
  I cringe watching the vocalist perform.  Ego, hair, concert hall posing and
  attitude all too big for most local stages.  From what I recall, the drummer 
  is pretty good, but that's the only real saving grace. - Joel

 *Basic heavy guitar rock
  Ya could call it punk, if ya call Green Day punk.  I don't generally.  I hear
  lots of talk about this band, but the Dog don't do much for me.  Maybe the 
  talk's due the ever powerful local record store connection. - Joel

Dirty Billy 	
 *Old Fart Rock and Roll
  ! - James R Ebright

 *Sensitive angry alternative rock/deserving more attention
  Yeah, I know, what does alternative mean?  I guess it means something removed
  from pop rock, 50's rock and classic rock.  And that sensitive thing can be
  scary.  Think Elvis Costello/Matthew Sweet/World Party/Crowded House type 
  stuff -- some pretty good songwriters at times.  Now imagine those guys angry
  -- making them play through Bernie's sound system could do it. :-)  - Joel 

Tim Easton
 *Solo acoustic folk, country, blues and roots/Best folksy songwriter
  If'n ya like the Haynes Boys or Kosher Spears, check out the vocalist (Tim E.
  as I like ta call him).  The Haynes Boys tunes he does are much MUCH better 
  in this solo acoustic format. - Joel

 *Heavy punk-, grind-, sludge-core/Most tunes with drug & beer references
  "AHHHHH! Crank! AHHHHH! Crank!," Econo-lyrics as a description.  "Earl of
  Washbucket" features a great bass feedback solo.  Big draw, big beer 
  drinkers, big fun/entertainment/silliness/dementia.  I may not get in to 
  beer, drugs or the anthem "Beer Run," but I still like these guys. - Joel

Ekoostik Hookah
 *Biggest draw alternative/Original psychedelic rock band
  The Dead was an early influence on at least some of the Hookahs -- maybe to 
  the extent that they got tired of it.  Maybe that's why they now deny the 
  Dead sounding stigma. Admittedly, I ain't seen EH perform in quite awhile, 
  but I thought they had some pretty good songs back then. - Joel

Enivob Nez
 *Dr. John-ish experimental avantjazz groove
  Years ago this was a highly experimental (almost noise) band with a number of
  rotating members and few "regular" members.  Then the band disappeared for a 
  long while.  EN then returned with a regular line-up and less experimental 
  sound, ala more popular Dr. John.  They still don't play often, so don't pass
  up any chance ya get to see 'em.  Oh, the name's Zen Bovine backwards. - Joel

Eric's Mother
 *Scariest band/Black Butthole Sabbath Surfers
  A tall disturbed-looking fire breathing effected voice, acid trip guitar 
  meanderings; satanic ritual bass lines and tribal time-changing drums. So EM 
  may have actually been the worst band in Columbus when it started. So a 
  lot of people considered them Butthole Surfers clones. The band eventually 
  solidified and developed a following.  And of the clone status ... So what, 
  no one else in town was doing what they did, so it was a nice, err, a scary
  change of pace.  Oh, and I've heard rumors of a reunion of sorts. - Joel 

The Evolution Control Committee
 *Experimental/performance art/geek rock?
  My attempt at a balanced self-review follows: It's been a long time -- 7 
  years, in fact -- and The Committee keeps churning out the weird stuff. 
  Usually compared to Negativland or They Might Be Giants, The Committee 
  doesn't do a lot of live performances but is relatively well-known on the 
  Internet and in home-taper circles. One of the few bands that focuses on 
  making each performance a multi-media event. - Mark G.

 *Electronic/experimental sarcasm
  ECC has always been a committee of one, no matter what you may have heard, 
  read or seen -- that's part of the shtick.  Basically ECC has created a 
  series of individual electronic concept pieces that don't make it to stage 
  often (it can be odd seeing these types of multimedia performances at the 
  generally rock/punk oriented clubs around town anyway), but tapes abound.  
  Sarcasm, anti establishmentarianism (whew!), musical trends, and general fun 
  poking are almost always involved. - Joel

 *Power ballad/Pearl Jamish/Previously the most Lantern coverage
  Well, it covered "White Room" by Cream too.  Eventually, while hanging with
  the Greenhorn lot, a country side started to reveal itself.  Then it
  expanded and became Train Meets Truck.  Though it seems Feversmile is gone, 
  it just released a CD -- their fans are fairly loyal. - Joel 

  Ya know, these guys write a pretty good slow sludgecore song.  While the 
  instrument holding members aren't that animated (not uncommon), the vocalist
  is literally climbing the walls and hanging from the ceiling.  I just wonder 
  why they keep stopping and starting the same tune for 45 minutes. Still 
  it's become one of the biggest/newest draws in town. - Joel 

 *Punk pop noise
  Many think of these guys as a punk band or the slower poppier brother of the 
  New Bomb Turks.  But I like to call lead singer/guitarist Jerry "Jerky" Wick 
  Jerry Manilow.  It's really just a noisy garagy pop band with a lot of  
  frustration, anger and cynicism. - Joel 

Girly Machine
  Why is it so many of my favorites don't play out often -- or, in the worst
  case scenario, break up.  GM is still around from what I know, but the guys 
  are in transition and/or busy most of the time. They released a great, if 
  not slightly overproduced-in-places, CD recently.  All the Girlymen are 
  competent musicians -- Pixies/Metallica/Trower/Van Halen guitar; slightly
  ominous groove bass; powerful drums & edgy true British accent vocals come to
  mind.  Oh, and intelligent lyrics -- if I'm capable of judging that. - Joel

Gorilla Monsoon
  Gasohol Jr. without the acrobatic vocalist. - Joel

 *Loud Ballads/Youngish/REO-ish/Midwest rock
  Going, going, gone.  After a long search for another drummer, the bassist
  quit too.  One of the biggest bands in town -- both popularity and sound wise
  -- was no more.  They were to be the next big thing after the New Bomb Turks.
  I wasn't a big fan, but I went to the shows and had fun.  It wasn't quite 
  mosh music, but boys will be boys -- if not complete violent idiots. - Joel

Gunshy Ministers
 *WesterRock/Replacent/One of the most overrated acts of recent years
  I guess if ya like hearing the punkish rock that is the Replacement's claim 
  to fame, you'd probably enjoy this band.  I mean they write good songs, but 
  don't ya get tired of hearing the same sound and basic structure over and 
  over again?  I'd almost rather listen to Michael Stanley. - Joel 
Gut Piston
 *Punk rock
  The basic rock of early punk.  Don't mention Generation X era Billy Idol to 
  the vocalist -- it's already readily apparent.  A little punkier Social D. 
  can be picked out too ... if only I liked Social D. or Gen. X. - Joel 

The Hairy Patt Band
 *Devil-at-a-gospel-hoedown folk/Best scary scum folk
  Clanking drums, cymbals, pots and pans; raw distorted acoustic guitar; one
  hoarse voiced screamer; one laid back lonesome falsetto/low drunk speaker 
  and story songs about drugs and twisted sex. It's scary fun and possibly my 
  favorite local band still around. Rated NC-17. - Joel

 *Mellow alternative guitar pop
  Just when ya thought these guys were forgotten, they reform.  Just think 
  recent Toad the Wet Sprocket, The BoDeans or even Tom Cochran (yep, the guy 
  from Red Rider). - Joel

Hard Black Thing (HBT)
 *Drunkest unpracticed, rotating member conglomeration
  Often featuring Sammy (the famous 70's era Rod-Stewart-looking guy that 
  hangs out around OSU/High Street), HBT sometimes passes as a highly 
  experimental avant noise band ... sometimes.  Most people don't stay because 
  they particularly like the band, but more for the spectacle of the unexpected
  and unrehearsed performance.  Sammy's gravely voice is very intriguing, and 
  the trumpet playing adds a little more dimension, but ...  Aw, maybe I should
  just get wasted and join 'em on stage ...  - Joel

Haynes Boys
 *Rootsy rock
  Many of those great Tim Easton songs played with an electric guitar, bass 
  and drum band.  If yer gonna use power, rock it a bit more boys.  HB just 
  falls short on what are, in more acoustic formats, great songs. - Joel

Honk, Wail and Moan
 *Best loose jazz in town
  They like to do the astral jazz Sun Ra type stuff -- and it's pretty cool if 
  it doesn't go too long and mellow.  Some great originals - especially 
  trombonist Brian Casey's tunes.  The audience isn't always high on the 
  priority list, but it's not like HW&M ain't entertaining anyway. - Joel

 *Alternative pop
  I kinda hoped one of the guys would submit they're own review.  Maybe if I 
  blast the band, one of them will next time.  Just some alternative pop band. 
  It can be a bit heavy, but still fairly easy to digest.  A lot of melody, but
  not to a particularly cheesy or annoying extent. -  Joel 

Howlin' Maggie
 *Soul & funk rock via T. Rex, Bowie and 80's Stones.
  When Happy left RC Mob last year, HM was already practicing.  With a few 
  personnel changes, the band's gaining a big following.  Happy is a born 
  front man/guitarist/vocalist as long as he doesn't get too self-conscious.  
  He does a great Mic Jagger/Stones disco era falsetto and some deeper Wolfman 
  growls.  There's a big repressed cheese factor here -- mainly in the lead 
  guitarist -- but as long as it's kept in check, I'll rave about 'em. - Joel 

 *Primus-like alternative funkish rock
  Great musicians for the most part, but just stop that guy from popping the 
  bass so much.  It hurts my sensitive ears. Some of the guitar work and sounds
  are pretty unique too, but then the bass starts up again. - Joel

King of Iowa
 *Alternative pop
  A year or two ago, I slammed these guys.  Since then they have "broken up" 
  and reformed.  I haven't seen the new model, for fear of the old annoying 
  cringe of cheesy songs and stage presence. - Joel

The Kosher Spears
 *Best folk/acoustic group
  Before the first set is over, the place usually turns into a regular hoedown 
  hootenanny.  The line-up can vary, but the two mainstays are Tim  Easton 
  (guitar/vocals) and Joe Ciriello (washboard/moroccos/snare/backing vocals).  
  KS is commonly joined by jazzman Derek DiCenzo (upright bass), violin, 
  backing electric guitar and even the occasional banjo. - Joel 

Lollipop Factory
 *Queen meets Herman's Hermits quirk pop
  Lots of Queen-isms with British 60's quirk pop thrown in (not that those 
  differ much).  If you've ever heard of the group Rabbit, ya know what to 
  expect.  I can't say I'm a big fan, but LP is a bit of a guilty pleasure for 
  me.  I feel I should hate it, but I don't.  Maybe it's the total cheese 
  effect of the costumes, stage decorations and the aging teen-idols-in-a-rock 
  band image. Plus, they pull it off pretty well. - Joel

Lord Burger
 *Lousy 70's/Kiss influenced hard rock
  These guys like me because I've done sound for 'em really cheap and at the 
  last minute.  I thought they sucked -- then they got a little tighter.  
  They're really just lousy Kiss-style rock with Martyr Colony screamer Arturo 
  on lead scream.  I never got into Kiss -- except maybe the Elder album nobody
  ever hears about.  Look for lots of hair and attitude. - Joel
Los Clementes
 *Most unintentional Dead sounding band
  LC featured Stache's owner, Dan Dougan on acoustic guitar and lead vocals.  
  Sorry Dan, but with elements of roots rock, country and a that lazy feel, LC 
  came off as a uninspired Dead band.  I'm kinda glad they're, um, dead. - Joel

 *Stuffy jazz attack
  Great musicians and teachers, but they seem kinda bored. - Joel

Donna Mogavero Band
 *Most overrated folk/Adult Alternative rock band
  Blah.  Some folksy woman fronting a "rock" band that covers too much middle 
  of the road bland rock material to be passed off as anything overly exciting.
  They do have a big following in the Short North bar scene though. - Joel

Magnificent Souls
 *Newest big rock thing on the rise
  From the debris of Greenhorn rises another basic Midwest rock band -- led by 
  ex-Greenie Mark Spurgeon on guitar and vocals.  This time there's less focus 
  on the country/ballad side and more emphasis on the straight ahead basic 
  rock.  The vocals could use some work in places, but all the makings of next 
  big thing status are there. - Joel

Martyr Colony
 *Skinny Puppy, Columbus style
  A recent reorganization of personnel has left them a member short, but 
  they're still going. Columbus' own Puppy-style industrial band cranks out the
  dark pop, with distorted vocals from Artie and keyboards by Jeff "I can play 
  better than you with one hand tied behind my back!" Muth.  Forget Nevermor; 
  they were wash-ups before they started. Martyr Colony are the only ones doing
  this here, and they're even good at it to boot! - Mark G.
 *Uneasy industrial macabre/Skinny Puppy-ish/Most unrelaxing
  Electronic noise, samples and music, some distorted guitar occasionally, 
  guitar distortion/rat pedal screaming and multimedia presentation -- I wanna 
  like 'em.  They're different fer around here.  I'm even told MC's good, but I
  guess it just ain't my cup-of-tea ... and it is just tea for two now. - Joel 
Mary Adam 12
 *Slofunk/Best local pop song
  A mixture of 70's style funk, jazz and Tower of Powerish horns.  This ain't 
  that Chili Peppers head bangin' in-your-face funk.  Such a large crowd now 
  that they've only done double-night bills at Stache's recently.  Always a lot
  of dancing.  MA12's new (and only) CD features the more laid back tunes and 
  "Gone Again" -- possibly the best pop song by a local band.  Unfortunately, 
  two of my other live favorites are not on the CD.  :-(   - Joel
Melodious Thunk
 *Tasty sax jazz
  I think the band has been through a few changes since I last saw them, but 
  MT was an upright bass, drum and sax trio.  Some really nice melodic sax 
  led jazz with just slightly rough-edged, yet tasteful, improvs. - Joel

Men of Leisure
  MoL is about as close as a band can get to becoming an institution. The 
  regular lead vocalist seems to be missing, but that's O.K.  This means the 
  other band members trade vocals providing a little more variety.  That means 
  a lot for a band that plays so often.  On a good night the guitarist is one 
  of the hottest in town. They've been workin' "Brick House," "These Shoes Were
  Made for Walking," "One Way Out" (featuring Hookah Steve Sweeney) and some 
  accordion in quite often recently. - Joel

Miss May '66
 *Grindcore Hole
  First there was 26 Foot Honey.  A member later Miss May was formed.  A few
  members after that only one Honey is left AND there's a guy, a Thug, in the 
  group.  They gained a lot of popularity, probably from a combination of 
  things ... In short, MM66 was (is) a heavy (nearly) all-girl band with 
  numerous connections to the arts/music/club scene in Columbus and a lot of 
  aspirations. Rumor is another male has taken on the bass role now. - Joel 

Monster Truck 005 (MT5)
  4 guys making guitar punk noise and screams living up to the name. My 
  favorite parts are when the bass and drum groove start making their way from 
  underneath the rumbling wall off noise and sheer possessed screams. MT5 is 
  back, and this time I like 'em. - Joel

 *Trippy garage pop/Velvet Pavement
  Possibly the only band I offered to play with after only seeing 'em once -- I
  liked the faltering, quivering sound.  It went through a few sketchy changes,
  but sounds like it's coming into it's own again -- with a second guitarist, a
  new bassist and all four guys singing a bit.  I still prefer the original 
  bassist's more competent melodic playing.  O.K. so I don't personally like 
  the "new" bassist -- he looks awkward on stage anyway.  Oh, every member is 
  heavily involved with Moo too.  Maybe it should be MOOviola. - Joel

Moody Jackson
 *Best band I'm in:
  Moody Jackson rules.  I saw them a couple of times and they fit any category 
  that you can think of -- from blues to punk to everything in between.  Hey, 
  they have even done a couple of country songs. - sweaty pat

  Just some punk trio. - Joel 

Mr. tORNaDo heAd:
 *Best unsigned bound-to-be-a-big-star-someday category:
  Yes, this is shameless blatant self promotion. What did you expect? But if
  intrigued, please email me and I'll send ya a tape. - JD Kimple 

My Mother's Creation
 *College-rock-gone-pop trend of the 90's
  Yep, a little Vedder, a little Cobain, a lot of bigger-than-life arena 
  posing, but not much real originality or excitement. - Joel

The New Bomb Turks
 *Speed punk rock
  I tag that rock on the end to hint at the traditional rock and original punk
  stylings.  I've said it before, and it still holds ...  The Turks aren't 
  really a punk band -- they have a lot more in common with the Stones and 
  AC/DC.  They just play it fast enough and loud enough that we're fooled into 
  calling it punk.  Oh, can't forget the success of their recent releases, 
  European tour and a video on MTV!! - Joel

The New Duncan Imperials
 *Best out of town band to play Stache's
  If you haven't seen them live, sacrifice your dearest pet and do so next time
  they're in town. These guys put on the best damn most fun rock and roll show 
  I've seen in a long time. What other band interrupts it's songs so the 
  drummer can run out and pass little plastic animals to EVERY audience member,
  then continues the show? - JD Kimple

 *Double drum & guitar progressive rock
  The music is pretty heavy and atmospheric with two drummers and two effected 
  guitarists.  All of 'em are technically great musicians.  Nods to the 
  Talking Heads, Adrian Belew and Eno should be made -- especially the vocal 
  delivery. Nude may be a bit pretentious/70's art-rockish influenced for the 
  punk at heart -- I kinda like that though. - Joel

 *Metallica with a soar throat
  The 'cube is known in the campus scene mainly because of its cut on the 
  Eardrop CD.  It does a good Metallica, though the vocals are a bit monotone 
  in the strained raspy sense. - Joel

 *Heavy alternative Addicts
  One of the first things that came to mind was a young, musically ambitious 
  Jane's Addiction still working out the kinks.  They ain't bad musicians; and 
  the experimental guitar plinking with lots of dynamics is cool too. - Joel

pet UFO
 *Driving heavy edged guitar rock/Most searing vocals
  Sou's lead vocals could (forgive me if this has been said -- it just fits) 
  strip paint off warships.  The music has Gothic and Metallica qualities, but 
  is much too driving to be Goth and too punkish to be metal.  PUFO has many 
  singles and CDs (including its own) on its Burnt Sienna label. - Joel

Willie Phoenix
 *Basic rocker searching for a second prime
  Over ten years ago this guy (and whatever the incarnation of his band was 
  then) had a deal with Atlantic Records.  I think it lasted one album -- but
  "Kiss Quick, Good Night" was a pretty cool tune that got a bit of air play 
  locally.  Ever since then, he seems to be trying to reach for the same star,
  but the freshness seems to have gone -- a freshness that has not been 
  regained through multiple band and personnel changes. - Joel

Pica Huss
 *Best heavy local band/Band that should have made it & wish were still around
  So Pica Huss, the man and the band, isn't with us anymore.  I know I'm not
  alone in thinking PH should have been the big thing.  Comparisons to early
  Chili Peppers have been made -- don't forget the covers of Alice Copper and  
  the Beatles' "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" or the basic punk tunes.  The 
  show, due to the vocalist & the music, was a wild, crazy, near performance 
  art event most of the time; and lots of people danced -- everywhere.  Simply 
  the most fun I've had with any band consistently. - Joel

Poets of Heresy
 *Phunky Phat RAP, Babeee
  FUNK all those bullshit MC's, G -- Da Po-ets uv Hair-Uh-C slam it to ya hard 
  'n' real! Sometimes I liked 'em better without the live band, but the guitar,
  bass, drum, and turntable combo make for a pretty thick, live, and hard 
  sound. The rhymes are smooth and sharp, and they've got it all down. Do 
  yourself a fave and check out Columbus' best boyz on da mic! - Mark G. 
 *Only hip hop (with band) in town
  Yep, and I ain't even a big hip hop fan.  PoH is 3 great rappers, a DJ/
  rapper, real drums, real guitar and real bass.  The band has been through 
  some transition guitar/drum wise, but seems to have finally jelled into a 
  fairly consistent good live show.  And it does some perty cool island 
  influenced stuff now too. - Joel

Preston Furman
 *Fun young garagy rock band
  With the addition of another guitarist, PF added that Midwest country rock 
  sound to its punk-rock-garage rants.  Not always on the mark or special, but 
  enough so to keep my ears open. - Joel

Pretty Mighty Mighty
 *Heavy alternative ethereal rock
  What sticks out in PMM live is the crazy pied piper like violinist.  Then 
  there's the duel vocalists (male and female) and pretty yet noisy guitar.
  At times I hear My Bloody Valentine (especially on the CD & singles), other 
  times I hear early heavy REM doing more progressive rock sounding stuff.  
  PMM even does a great cover of Earwig's "Dinosaur Song."  I recommend the 
  live show over the fine but samey sounding CD . - Joel
 *Rock sound with folk/blues influence/Good live show with humorous overtones
  This band is new to the Columbus music scene.  They have a definite rock 
  sound, but you can hear a folk and blues influence as well.  The band could 
  be likened to Pink Floyd and Jethro Tull, but Midnight Oil would also be 
  close.  Quixotics is entertaining to watch, as well as listen to, thanks to 
  the on stage antics of lead singer Fred Swan.  The band structure includes 
  the basic drums, bass, and lead guitar, but Quixotics also brings along a 
  keyboard to give them a fuller sound and an acoustic guitar that adds a 
  certain folksiness.  I've seen them twice, both times headlining at Ruby 
  Tuesdays, and the songs 'Young Turk Joe', 'Darkhorse', and 'Rock Star' seem 
  to be crowd favorites. - Aaron "Wonko" Albert 

 *Avant rock hip hop silliness
  Experimental fusion/avant jazz/funk/hip hop played by two great young  
  guitarists -- the bassist and drummers are no slouches either.  The 
  vocalists/front "men" usually dress, act and sing outrageously.  They used to
  scream and rap nearly everything but, probably with a little persistence on 
  the band's and the fans' behalfs, they started taking the singing a bit more 
  seriously -- at least on the more ballad-like numbers. - Joel

Roller Girl:
 *Best woodie award for local talent:
  She was opening up ... caressed my check and looked into my eyes for a 
  fleeting moment.  Yes, she did it to quite a few people...SO WHAT?  Yeah, 
  it's part of the act, but what the hell?  She's cute, too. - JD Kimple

 *Cheesy 70's United Skates of America party throw-back
  Some woman skating around clubs with air (inflatable) guitars, sparklers, 
  sing-a-longs and taped music.  Pretty goofy. - Joel

Royal Crescent Mob (R.C. Mob)
 *Funk rock/Dead big name
  Shortly after I predicted they wouldn't be touring, Happy quit.  The rest of 
  the Mob tried to paste it together with another bassist, but that didn't 
  last.  Possibly Columbus' biggest claim to alternative rock fame is gone. 
  Well, we still have Scrawl and the Turks. - Joel

Rustic Bucket
 *Power Jam rock
  A lot of full sounding open chords and a mixture of heavy Midwest rock and 
  grunge -- not that those styles differ a whole heck of a lot.  They also 
  throw in a guitar version of "Suicide is Painless" (the Theme to M.A.S.H.) 
  on occasion.  Not bad, just not too special most of the time. - Joel

Science Gravy Orchestra (Paul Brown's)
  I would put Paul's name first, but he gets enough ego boosting from his id.  
  Even though I don't like what I know of the guy, he is a great guitarist.  He
  even got an amateur guitarist of the year award from some big music magazine 
  a few years back -- oh, and a Chili Peppers audition.  SGO used to have an 
  incredible violinist that usually upstaged even Paul.  I miss those days.  
  Then again, I didn't like what I knew of the violinist either. - Joel

 *Garage pop/Biggest living local band
  I didn't really learn to appreciate Scrawl until I got depressed at Larry's 
  one night and they came through the jukebox.  I still don't get into the 
  older stuff, but the last album has some really strong material. - Joel

  ... They are a P-funk Bootsy Collins type band and they are even going to 
  record a CD with the man himself.  These guys kick ass.  They have a horn and
  sax section, percussion and dress up in the funkiest outfits around!  They'll
  be back ... so everyone check them out! - John P. Romeo

 *Hottest new soul/Slofunk band/Biggest frizzy hair award
  So Jeff McCargish of longtime Columbus R&B band, the Columbus Jets, has a 
  soul band now.  They do some pretty cool disco too.  "Disco Inferno" and 
  "Superstition" are highlights, along with a number of other tunes that keep 
  the audience dancing.  Oh, the other guitarist/dancer/ex-circus guy gets the 
  big frizzy award -- I would've won if I hadn't cut my mop last year. - Joel

Super Duper
 *Silliest & funniest mellow 70's style takeoffs and spoofs.
  To paraphrase the Super Duper theme song, "We're Super Duper/Gonna ram it 
  up your pooper/and show you what it's all about."  Imagine that sung to the 
  tune of a Carpenters tune ... any Carpenters tune. - Joel

The Susans
  *Sheltered alternative
  I'm sorry, but the minute it covered the Cranberries' "Zombie," the Susans 
  lost any ounce of interest I had in them.  Is there no escaping that song!?  
  It is rather standard classic-rock-influenced takes on what they seem to 
  consider alternative music.  I guess it's O.K., but who really cares -- 
  especially if ya fill yer set with a bunch of similarly styled covers. - Joel

 *12 string acoustic/Native American flute stuff
  A fairly new and out of the ordinary band.  The guitar is fairly standard 
  perty passing chord 12 string bedroom practicing fare.  The wooden flute is 
  even less eventful.  Maybe if the songs and sets were shorter, I wouldn't get
  so mellow ... bored or disinterested. - Joel

Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments
 *Punkish heavy rock
  Mr. Ron House is back -- and on a regular basis.  So I didn't used to like 
  him or his music much.  I'll assume marriage has changed him -- I'm too 
  stubborn to think I have. :-)  TJSA has been around off and on for a few 
  years and, though I always liked the guitar work, nothing else did much for 
  me until recently.  Ron's acting like a little punk rock kid again, the new 
  drummer and bassist seem to have a lot better grasp of the music and the 
  songs are gettin real good. - Joel

Train Meets Truck
 *Country tinged power rock/Band with most (nearly quarterly) Lantern coverage
  Out of the dust of the Pearl Jamish Feversmile came TMT with a 2nd guitarist 
  and a band more up front about it's country leanings.  Short lived or did 
  they just stop playing around town?  The latter seems to be the case. - Joel

Ugly Stick
 *60's blue-eyed R&B, country, punk and X influenced rock
  Another of my favorites broken up after what?  5 Years?  At one time, they 
  did a lot of X tunes.  I hear early Van Morrison (and Them), some country, 
  punk, 50's rock and even a little Celtic (via Van/Waterboys) and grunge.  
  US didn't take the music too seriously to keep from having fun or getting 
  a little loose and sloppy.  They also had a couple great full length releases
  -- the CD should still be floating around most OSU area record stores. - Joel

 * 80's synth pop influenced by 60s and 70's keyboard bands
  Someone mentioned the "Mazzy Star" sound in the context of Vibralux once.  I 
  guess I hear it, but even Mazzy has become a bit too basic yet pretentious, 
  or pretty yet effects-dependent for my taste.  I mean I'm starting to hear   
  "Nights in White" in Mazzy's "Fade into You."  By the same token, I hear the 
  Moody Blues' "Go Now" in Vibralux's "Hercules" ... or was that the Go Go's or
  Nina doing Procol Harem. In any case, they're gone and I have to find a new 
  band to hate, yet befriend. - Joel

 *Peter Gabriel meets Jellyfish/Worst sultry sensitive British accent vocals by
  a guy from Columbus?!
  It's show time, but the bassist/vocalist is still EQ-ing the drum mics.  Over
  a half hour late they start with an O.K. sounding percussion piece -- an 
  attempt at being ethnic that falls short, but we can deal with it.  Then some
  neato earthy synth starts in -- kinda Gabrielesque.  O.K.  The music's fine, 
  though the bass bothers me a bit -- too smooth and poppy.  Finally, the 
  vocals ...  Cringe.  I'm gone. - Joel 
 *Overrated Midwest rock
  Just some basic rock band with John Cougar/Bryan Adams leanings.  Yech.  But,
  hey, they're signed and draw big crowds (so I'm told). - Joel

 *Muddy garage noise guitar-drum duo
  The drummer tends toward two extremes:  Not playing and kill the drums.  I 
  think I'd like the Yips much more if he had a more continuous dynamic range.
  The guitarist/vocalist, Gilmore Tamney, is known for her zine prose, but here
  the vocals are too commonly muddy or mumbled to be heard over the abused
  drums or her noisily distorted guitar. - Joel

Young Ghost
 *Acoustic duo REManiac
  If Michael Stipe played guitar with Natalie Merchant in the '60, it might 
  sound like this.  I have a certain fondness for both, but this format gets 
  boring and bland pretty quick - not that Natalie or the Maniacs were ever 
  that exciting in their own time. - Joel

Dawn Yount
 *Best vocal performance by a butt-drunk fool at the Distillery 
  I nominate myself.  I also nominate Steph for the same category.  And since 
  you run this show, I vote we both win.  What do ya say? - Dawn Yount 

 *Some screaming drunk fool relatively new to the Live Shows list. 
  Same goes fer ripsnortin' co-nominee Steph. - Joel

 *Most talented yet cheesy latino jazz band
  Some of the best (and teachers of the best) musicians around, but it's a bit
  like processed cheese with overly reconstituted dehydrated peppers. - Joel

 *Coolest Local bands other than mr. tORNaDo heAd:
  New Bomb Turks, Poets of Heresy, Okra All Stars. And long live Pica Huss.
  - JD Kimple

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