*Noisethereal pop with a cute bass player
  How the heck did I skip Belreve last time and why did my roommate not notice?
  We both have big crushes on the bassist, Elizabeth (aka Goo).  The guitarist 
  Matt has perty cute hair himself - plus he plays bass for the New Bomb 
  Turks.  Drummer Jen - that movie we never saw, I have it on tape now.  To 
  flatter Goo, I'll mention Teenage Fanclub.  The band kinda broke up, but a 
  bunch of recordings were just released, so maybe they'll reunite. - Joel

 *Loose rootsy/bluesy/surfy country rock with a cute bass player
  So Dave, the more country soundin' guitarist/vocalist from Ugly Stick, formed
  a band with fellow Sticker stick-man Jeff on guitar.  As ya might expect, 
  the more country/melancholy (less 50's rock/punk) side of US comes through.  
  Dave's got great lonesome, desperate & on the edge vocals and lyrics.  So 
  far, the only time I've seen 'em Jeff sat in for the missing drummer. - Joel

bOb's fANtaSy
 *My band/Little funk rock quintet 
  These guys are sooo underground, you haven't even seen them yet (just  
  kidding).  Actually our little funk rock quintet hasn't played out much 
  lately, but hopefully something will give soon.  While we're trying to make 
  that happen, if anyone out there needs a band for any kind of event or 
  opening we'll do it, just e-mail me at [email protected]
  (I know it's self promotion, but it is SHAMELESS). - Bill Carnes

 *This band stood for so many good things: eat beef, drink beer and fart (or 
  something like that).  Good luck Kirby & Bill, wherever you are. - Bill 

  I saw a few fliers for these guys back in March.  Soon after, I ran into 
  member Bill.  Bory, Bill and Kirby are back!  Ewww! Gross. - Joel

Bumble Flea
 *Cool funk-core band, kinda Bad-Brainish but with more groove and less speed. 
  Unpretentious lyrics. - Bill Carnes

Codename: Stingray
 *New 60's garage/surf band with a cute bass player
  This is guitarist Craig Dunson's (Pica Huss, Vibralux, Thomas Jefferson Slave
  Apartments, Eardrop Productions & Magnetic Planet) new band.  Jeff (Creeper, 
  Howitzer Brunch & Super Duper) does the vocals and drums with anger and 
  attitude from front stage.  Sam (formerly of Ten Tongue Chain & Moviola) 
  rumbles bass.  Jon (the Yips drummer) cheeses it up electric organ-wise.  The
  result is surf music with a bit of that mid-late 60's Van Morrison & Them and
  the Animals blue-eyed garage R&B. - Joel

 *One man kazoo, vocal, guitar, drum & drugs band
  I'm ashamed I missed Creeper (aka Jeff) in the last Cringe.  Most of the 
  lyrics deal with drugs, sex or environmental issues, but in fairly clever, 
  humorous or twisted ways.  The music has a certain late 60's early 70's 
  psuedo-folksy slant (even Donovany) - mainly due to the limitations of 
  playing acoustic guitar and all this other stuff at the same time.  Kinda 
  Hairy Patt with a hippie outlook.  I made my mom listen to the tape ... her 
  favorite title/line seemed to be "Sex in a Smoke Stack."  - Joel

The Crunch
 *Classic/art rock influenced rock
  It's been years since I've seen these guys.  One of my roommates from eons 
  ago was a fan.  From what I remember, the guitarist was pretty good, but 
  tended to wear his influences (Yes, Rush, REO) on his sleeve when doin 
  originals.  He did some perty mean Chet Atkins style pickin though. - Joel

Dead Flower Bloom
 *Another band overlooked in the last issue.  They are LOUD, really really 
  LOUD, and fun, did I mention fun?  I think the lead singer is an English 
  major at OSU. - virg

Pat Dull
 *Fun acoustic guitar/vocal/harmonica guy
  Pat ain't one of them thar screamin' guitar bangers.  He ain't exactly a 
  sappy love song balladeer or new age tinkerer either.  The lyrics can be 
  subtly humorous, clever or just outright funny.  Novelties such as "Vampire 
  Girl" and "This Song???" are my favorites.  AC/DC's "TNT" is a real crowd 
  pleaser - especially when the sparklers are passed out to the audience.  Then
  the "OI!" chanting begins! - Joel

 *Soul with ska & funk bits
  Soul in that mellower George Clinton vein.  Not too exciting, but that's 
  kinda the difference between soul and funk ... kinda.  They get a decent 
  groove going at times.  And most of the playing and singing seems perty 
  thoughtful, if not soulful. - Joel

 *Ballad rock
  Todd "Lizard" incorporates played out riffs, cliches, and general self-
  indulgent whining to somehow create things of incredible beauty.  Go figure. 
  - Carl Hirsch

  I should hate these guys, but they destroy all. - Carl Hirsch

The Enlargements
 *JazzCore skankabilly
  This band is huge.  Not in a Boo-Yaa Tribe kind of way, but rather the
  lineup keeps growing.  Last time I looked, the band consisted of drums, 
  guitar, 3 piece horn section, bass, vocalist, Latin percussion/turntables, 
  and I'm told they just added a clarinetist.  Noisy noisy stuff.  They used 
  to play Zorn-inflected loudness, but the style is constantly shifting.  If 
  only they'd play more ska. - Carl Hirsch

 *Suburban pop rock band
  I noticed in your last issue that the Epicureans didn't make it in.  While 
  they are just a straight suburban pop rock band, they've been together 
  a while and have learned to play their instruments pretty well.  I have only 
  seen them play live once - at Ruby Tuesday.  They sound just like they do on 
  their CD "Little Man," which is OK if you like that clean seamless studio 
  sound. - virg

Flyin' Saucers
  A couple of the Saucers moved to Texas for a bit a while back.  Looks like 
  they're all back together in Columbus now.  They put on very audience-
  involved shows.  Guitarist Johnny Rebel (His real name?  Doubt it.) likes to 
  jump in the crowd and throw guitar solo fits on the floor.  The bassist does 
  acrobatics with his upright.  The drummer may be trapped, but he's got these 
  intense beady cat eyes and a tall thin blonde pompadour.  Johnny also runs 
  the Talamasca Gallery in the Short North area. - Joel

 *They are heavily influenced by REM and sometimes sound like the Stone Roses. 
  They have a lot of fun on stage, and are willing to try new songs out for the
  audience - you feel like you're at a practice session.  I don't think 
  they've recorded anything, but that doesn't matter since they're playing 
  around town a lot these days. - virg

Gal's Panic (not local)
 *Anyone know anything about them?  They opened for someone a while ago at 
  Stache's.  Small singer, wore some Costello horn rims.  Psycho-ska.  Truly 
  memorable.  Any leads would be appreciated. - Bill Carnes

 *Nothing ground breaking, by any means, but entertaining melodic feel good 
  pop/punk nonetheless. - Bill Carnes

  Would you like some bread with your shit sandwich? - Carl Hirsch

Granny's Hole
 *Maybe you need a posthumous note on Granny's Hole?  As much as I liked them, 
  I don't know if I want to touch that one. - Nathan Weaver

Granny's Hole
 *Grand-parental advisory scum with a cute bass player
  Take the guitar away from Hairy Patt frontman, Jason, and stick him on lead 
  vocals alone.  Add Mike Deane (Eric's Mother/Hairy Patt) on bass.  Then
  sit brother Mark Deane (MT005/Vibralux/Pica Huss/Medicine Wheel/Creature) 
  on the skins.  Finally, mix Gus from Stache's in on guitar.  You get some 
  nasty, incestuous, pornographic, raunchy, discordant numbers.  Yes, G's H 
  opted for numbering songs rather than naming them.  I believe song 1 and all 
  the multiples of 3 were darn right disgustingly good.  Mike's dealing with 
  some serious stuff now, so G's H is inactive. - Joel  

Gunshy Ministers
 *Cock rock 
  Opened for CORM at Stache's.  I thought I was listening to QFM-96 about five 
  years ago. - Carl Hirsch

Hairy Patt Band
  Hard liquor, hard drugs, and inbreeding.  There is no other. - Carl Hirsch

Hard Black Thing
 *Drunkest band 
  The guitarist was playing something totally discordant to everyone else, 
  almost fell down several times, and seemed to have turrets syndrome.  I
  don't know, you can call it avant, but I won't. - Bill Carnes

Howitzer Brunch for Mayor
 *Psycho-schitzo time changing whackcore
  I regret not seeing these guys sooner.  Now they've broken up.  They kinda 
  reminded me of Eric's Mother or the Butthole Surfers with more of a 
  metal, hardcore and/or funky Hendrix edge.  Lot's of interesting guitar 
  sounds, out of whack song structure and timing, and those mad man vocals.  
  Their tape sounds perty good too. - Joel

Howlin' Maggie
 *The day I heard Happy left the Mob will be my JFK day.  (I'm only a little 
  boy and wasn't around to be traumatized by the assassination.)  But when I 
  heard he had his own thing going I rejoiced and couldn't wait to check them 
  out.  But sadly I couldn't get into them.  I could appreciate what they were 
  doing and I think a couple of the tunes are real gems but, I don't know,
  they didn't really excite me.  Oh well. - Bill Carnes

 *Really basic alternative pop with no sparks
  I find it hard to believe (or remember) I've seen this band twice.  Having a 
  female vocalist is the closest they get to anything special.  Even she has a 
  certain bland nervous - almost monotone - Middle School talent show singer 
  quality.  They draw a big crowd of what I've gathered to be co- Greeks and 
  co-workers. - Joel 

Kevin & the Kasualties
 *Old school punk/glam rock
  A long lived three piece Kiss & AC/DC influenced punk band.  Often 
  overlooked, berated and ignored but, ya know, the current line-up really does
  put on a perty good show.  As for historical significance, many locals have 
  been in K&K at some time (Rudy of V3 and Byron Weaver of Pet ufo were brought
  to mind recently). - Joel

Jim Kolbe
 *Acoustic blues guitar
  He's been doin a lotta shows with this harp (harmonica) player, Jim 
  Biersdorf.  I ain't seen 'em together yet, but Kolbe does some pretty 
  respectable blues pickin and sliding.  He's got a sense of humor too. - Joel

The Kosher Spears
 *Best folk band/Best impromptu show for a Saint on the Oval
  Whether you like folk or not, you can't help getting into the Appalachian
  spirit when you hear these guys and their washboard.  I went out in the
  Oval one day in Autumn quarter to listen to "St. John of Westerville," and
  after I'd been sitting out there a while, the Spears decided to set up
  right next to me and start playing.  They drew a pretty big crowd and even
  stole some of St. John's audience.  Anyone more entertaining than him is
  definitely noteworthy.  They even finished up by playing "Pearly Gates" for
  the Saint himself. - bellomy.2

Chris Logsdon
 *Buffet covers for the drunk and stupid at heart
  At one point I had Chris in the first issue of Cringe.  It said, "If yer into
  this, why are ya still reading ..." or something to that effect. - Joel

Men of Leisure
 *Solid R&B, MG-ish group, garonteed good time
  "see boys and girls that man is playing the gItaR" - Bill Carnes

Monster Zero
 *Alternative garagethereal with a cute bass player.
  Leave it to Lizard Family Music to discover the young melodic songwriting 
  bands around Cowtown.  Leave it to Moo and Anyway to push 'em to the 
  forefront. Musically, MZ's got a Lush wall of sound thing going, but it's 
  delivered with and through a garagy mentality.  The vocalists do a good deal 
  of harmonizing (and unisonizing?).  And both have that certain operatic/ 
  throaty sound of goth (neighbor Dave suggested Ministry), Bob Mould or even 
  metal (Iron Maiden), but with that Midwestern nasal accent.  Hmm, kinda 
  describes Eddie Vedder's vocals ... but that's not quite it either. - Joel

Moody Jackson
 *Pop punk
  Not bubblegummy like The Queers.  A little faster and more driving than
  Screeching Weasel.  They make my ass wiggle and my legs pogo. - Carl Hirsch

My White Bread Mom
 *Best hardcore band in Columbus via Chillicothe
  Fact:  punk rock was invented by fifteen year olds.  The problem with
  Columbus is that most of its better known hardcore bands are way too old to
  rant about how much their parents suck.  Well, MWBM is probably too old to
  bitch about mom and dad too, but they play with the need and desire of
  fifteen year olds anyway (must be 'cause they were raised in suburban
  Chillicothe).  Plus, the gtr work is the most imaginative of any HC bands
  I've seen in these here parts.  The distorted vocals are cool too.  All
  that and they do a cover of a song by the infamous Granny's Hole.  Look for
  their fine 7" split e.p with Moody Jackson on Burnt Sienna. - Nathan Weaver

My White Bread Mom
 *Youthful sounding punk/hardcore
  The first time I saw this Chillicothe band, I only really liked the one tune 
  that ended up being on the 4 band split single they were celebrating the 
  release of that night.  A few more shows went by with little ado.  Then I 
  took the journey to The Blue Monk in Chillicothe to see my Richmond friend, 
  Jettison Charlie, with MWBM.  The opening band and the rest of the audience 
  must have had an average age of 15.  They moshed to the first angry kid 
  hardcore band (Nathan W. suggested real punk/hardcore comes from kids like 
  these mad at their parents - I think he has a point).  JC went on next - no 
  moshing, but they are a dynamic and "meter changing" Rollins influenced band.  
  MWBM was next and last.  It was just a really great exciting fun, almost 
  intimate, punkcore show.  All the pieces - especially the guitar - finally 
  fit.  And kids moshed.  Now if they can only do it again in Columbus.  Or 
  maybe Carl H.just put somethin' in the hazelnut coffee. - Joel

Our Flesh Party
 *Heavy powerful alternative pop
  The first time I saw these guys (5 years ago?), I thought they were a perty 
  cool young band.  Now, since grunge and other alternative stuff has filtered 
  through the mainstream, it just doesn't do as much for me.  I'm not saying 
  they're copy-cats, it just kinda seems like they're reaching too much for a 
  piece of the heavy groove-grunge alternative pie.  However, they still put 
  out a powerful sound, if ya ain't had too much of that.  They lost a 
  guitarist not too long ago.  I saw 'em just after this happened and didn't 
  notice a big change - rumor is there has been one though. - Joel

Pounce, Intl.
 *Listen to Pounce ... they call it the garden weasel
  Hey, I don't want to do the shameless self-promotion bit, so perhaps I can 
  try a different approach.  If I could give any other information to ensure 
  that it is included in your roundup of local active bands, that would be 
  great. Thanks. 
      Pounce, Intl., Po Box 164171, Cols, Oh 43216-4171 USA 
      Appearing on numerous cd compilations in 1995
      A full length cd release coming out fall of 1995 !!!
  - Paul Campbell

Pounce, Intl.
 *Beat heavy Tangerine Dream soundtrack with sparse operatic female vocals
  Paul sent me a tape and asked me to review it.  Two points:  I haven't seen 
  'em live and he doesn't seem to recall/realize I'm the Joel he had a musical 
  conflict with years ago - or maybe it's water under the bridge.  Anyway, this
  ex-Martyr Colonist has a much mellower, friendlier sound now.  It's much like
  a Tangerine Dream soundtrack (think Risky Business' subway sex scene) with a 
  heavy beat that, I presume, is meant to make it dancy.  I even hear a bit of
  new age via Suzanne Ciani at times.  Yes, it would be real relaxing without 
  the digital drums.  At any rate, it's a much easier listen than Martyr 
  Colony.  Now if only Paul and his press releases would come off as a little 
  more relaxed (or at least a little less serious) about his music. - Joel

Scream Bloody Murder
 *Whatever happened to them?  I enjoyed their melodic/techno sound. - Bill 

Sloe Comfortable Screw
 *Folksy punk with accordion, pots, pans, and a cute bass player
  Fronted by a singing accordionist, SCS has a pinch of drinking song ala the 
  Poguesque vocals and a little punk and 60's garage.  Most of the songs are 
  basic 1-4-5 type stuff that go on a bit too long.  But there are a few good 
  tunes - and the texture is great.  I even got to play mandolin with 'em once.  
  The band couldn't hear me (I could barely hear me, and the darn thing was in 
  my lap), but I was told it sounded OK.  Creeper, the percussionist, quit to 
  pursue other projects, but they've got a young new pan & pot man. - Joel

Space Kids
 *Young artpunk with female vocalist
  I saw part of what may have actually been their first and only show.  They 
  had High School morbid lyrics but, hey, I think they're in High School ...  
  Kinda made me think of the Cincy band Snaggletooth with their sassy female 
  vocals and more than the average basic punk musical ideas. - Joel

St. John of Westerville
 *Best performance of a holy man on a college campus. - bellomy.2

Starscream 13
  Risen from the ashes of Parsnip.  (For the uninitiated, Parsnip completely
  ruled Freak'n Pizza with big crunchy sounds.)  They seem more rock-inflected,
  but the songs they've written are just about amazing.  The set changes pace
  several times as they play, from crunch crunch to "Miss Brasilia", a moving
  tune that incorporates violin. - Carl Hirsch

  ("The Bassists" centerfold pictures are here in the hardcopy - pages 10-11)

Starscream ("13" was added avoid copyright problems, I guess.)
 *Short lived ambitious alt
  Parsnip is gone, and now splinter band Starscream is gone too.  Spoken word 
  with congas, bass guitar, and drums.  Then some heavy alternative stuff.  A 
  little experimental thing.  Instrument trading (guitar and bass).  Then a 
  nice three part harmony, finger picked electric guitar/violin piece remini-
  scent of Jethro Tull meeting XTC (That's a compliment.  Really!). - Joel

Stupid Fuckin' Hippie
 *"Dork" rock or dirge rock?/Acid punkarage with a cute bass player
  So they've been around for years and I somehow skipped over 'em in the last 
  Cringe - even tho I have several of their recordings (Admittedly, I think I 
  got 'em all free).  Have you seen the end of that Bugs Bunny with the big red
  furry monster ... Kinda like having psychotic daydreams while on the same 
  ether Bugs floated off on in the end.  It seems like it could get
  interesting, but it doesn't, so I just go nighty night. - Joel

Swivel Arm Battle Grip  (How may words is it?)
 *Standard tuned Sonic Youth and artpunk with a cute bassist
  The first (male) vocalist is out.  I couldn't hear him much the first time I 
  saw 'em anyway.  Oops, kinda my fault - I was the sound guy.  Now this young 
  band has a female up front.  She tends to wander into that SY narrative 
  schtick - maybe too much.  They're fairly artsy to be just a punk band - 
  the guitarist throws in some nice pretty and ugly effects. - Joel 

Tenors Head-On
 *3 tenor saxophonists, a great drummer and a cute bassist
  The saxes didn't do much for me.  Derek DiCenzo's bass playing was fine, but 
  the highlight was the drummer.  He looked a bit like an anemic Andy Warhol 
  about to keel over, but when he took a solo ...  Well, with that tiny trap 
  set, he did quite a bit of drumming. - Joel

Three Studies for a Crucifixion 
  Big big loud.  Overpowering emotion, discordant noise.  I've seen that at 
  Luna and other places.  But, by sheer coincidence, I saw them in some kid's
  basement in Toronto, where they were unbelievably affecting. - Carl Hirsch

 *Ska-soul ensemble
  Last I heard, T-fish was looking for a new drummer.  The original one also 
  keeps time with the hopefully returning Bumble Flea.  There's a lot of people
  and instruments (guitars, keyboards, horns, vocals, drums ...) on stage - 
  and it seems to change a bit each time.  My vote's out until the band 
  solidifies a bit more. - Joel

Voodoo Chile 
 *Great funk-ish heavy band
  I saw 'em do the "Oompah Song" from Willie Wonka, and the famed "Number Song"
  from (Newt's favorite show) Sesame Street.  Recommended. - Bill Carnes

 *Unsolved mystery. - Bill Carnes

 *A sort of surfer/Orbison guitar with Nirvanaesque vocals.  
  They were great live and they were selling tapes at the show for a buck a 
  piece.  I highly recommend the show, but not the tape. - Nathan McKnight

Wolfgang Parker
 *RetroSwing rockabilly
  Wolfgang doesn't play out often, but there looks to be some potential in 
  the showmanship that could come out with experience.  Apparently he's now
  backed by a full combo with upright bass, drums & guitar.  This could make
  his show much more versatile. - Carl Hirsch

X-Ray Specs
 *Mainstream alternative covers
  As for inquiries about the old punk band:  no, there are no similarities.  
  They were either unaware of the X-Ray Spex or thought the name was obscure 
  enough that no one would recognize it.  By the time questions surfaced 
  they'd grown attached to it.  This X-Ray Specs plays covers of mainstream 
  alternative stuff popular in the region:  Pearl Jam, Toad the Wet Sprocket, 
  Offspring, REM, James, Counting Crows, Dada, Gin Blossoms, Green Day, etc.  
  They're contemplating the idea of sneaking in a few originals, but I haven't 
  totally convinced them yet. - Chris Jedrick

 *Best band that I'm in
  Well, we have no name.  We only practice once a week - that is if no one has
  something else they have to do that night.  We write our own songs.  We'd 
  like to play out when we can get enough tunes to open for someone.  And we 
  keep starting new recording projects but never seem to get them completed.  
  But it's the best band that I'm in.  Do you think that's because it's the 
  only band I'm in?  8~) - Jerri Shafer

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